A letter to my unborn child....

Dearest sweet Joseph,

So let's see, we're at 19 weeks, 2 days and I have only seen you via screens and print outs and listened to your heartbeat through a speaker but.. I am So. In. Love. With. You. I have watched people lose their homes, I've had to be on an EMS team that had to tell a family member that the one they loved was never coming back, I've seen joy, and I've seen loss and I am able to remain emotionally in control through it all... but when it comes to you, I cry. I cry thinking about your first sound, your first smile, the first time we get to hold you, the day you'll be born... You're almost always on my mind and each day I get more and more excited to meet you. You are truly my little miracle in so many ways. You came at the very last possible moment into my life and I am so thankful for that. We've had our ups and downs through this pregnancy. You've been inside mommy during her best times and some of her absolute worse but the thing is, we've gotten through it all and because we have, I know that the day we become a family will be one of the greatest days of my life. I am not perfect, and you'll see me mess up many times during your life but I promise to always love you, always give you the best that I can provide, to always be there for you no matter what and to be your biggest cheerleader as you succeed through life. You will mess up in life, none of us are perfect but I will teach you to learn from your mistakes and grow from them. I will teach you to love, to trust, to protect yourself and to be whoever you want to be.... because you'll always be my little boy. I won't lie, this world is scary and sometimes it terrifies me to bring you into it. Being a stay at home mom isn't an option for me (and most moms in this economy) and especially because I want you to have every opportunity in life possible that means I will have to stay in school to become an RN but know, that even though I am not with you 24/7, I will do all I can to ensure you are safe and have your needs fulfilled. And I can tell you, between your daddy and me and our protective instincts, there won't be a lot that can hurt you.

I love you and I don't even know you and I can't wait to feel my heart overwhelmed the day they place you in my arms for the first time. Thank you so much for blessing my life... I can't wait to see what the future holds for our family.

<3,
Your mommy.

Finally updating....

So, basically I haven't updated as I've been dealing with my personal life situations and really, those aren't approriate for public air. So I'm going to give everyone a summary of the pregnancy up until now and I promise to update more often. There are some things I'm going to keep off of here that are going on in my life, sorry but I've let the public into those aspects before and well... it just didn't go well.

So I'm 19 weeks tomorrow... almost halfway there! Time has flown and I'm trying to hold on that while I can. I absolutely cannot wait to meet my little man. And yes... speaking of man, IT'S A BOY. In September we will be meeting Joseph David Bouldin. We got to find out at 15 weeks 3 days and he was quite the ham for the ultrasound tech. Flexing, kicking, moving... great heartbeat! We get to see him again on April 17th for my 20 week check up (yep!!! We'll be halfway already!!!). Kimbra went with me to get registered at Buy Buy Baby and Target Baby and we had a blast. Looks like little man will have a fire truck nursery. I can't wait to start decorating. I have two showers planned, one here in South Carolina around June 30th (that I am trying to find a location for in the upstate, suggestions welcomed!) and then one in Texas June 18th. I have a busy next couple of months coming up which will make time fly. I am headed down to the beach in May to shoot a friend of a friend's wedding, I have my first 3D/4D ultrasound at the beginning of June, then the two baby showers... should be a fun way to start the summer :). Then at the end of all of that, the OB appointments will increase and the fun of getting ready for Jo begins. I've been so thankful for the support I've received from all over, especially when we had a scare when I took a tumble off a ladder. My doula is fabulous, and the friends and family I have couldn't be better. I did officially take a Leave of Absence due to my lift restrictions per my OB from the EMS group I work for. I plan on going back full force mid-October and will be very glad to get back on the truck. I'm still working about 48 hours at the hospital though I know that's getting ready to wrap up as I am absolutely worn out.

So how am I today? Well today is Easter and I decided to stay home. This morning I woke up with what felt like an ear infection but I think was actually a bad case of vertigo. I got over it in a couple of hours after eating (with difficulty) and some meds. I am trying to have a medicine-free pregnancy but it looks like Tylenol and Tums (ahhh heartburn) won't be going anywhere. I did get my kitchen and master bathroom sparkling (and I do mean the bathroom looks GREAT) but then I was absolutely exhausted. Came downstairs to eat and bam... sickness hit again. I am fixing to try to fix me some spaghetti and eat but I am not getting my hopes up. Tomorrow I start my last 3-4 weeks of Microbiology so I've got to hold on strong. Otherwise this has been a wonderful pregnancy. I am such a blessed little momma. I am going to attempt to finish the master bedroom tonight but... I think I may have just found out that my body now has limits. I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter and this finds you well.

Always,
B <3

p.s. I have deleted some previous posts... things have changed and there's parts of this pregnancy that little man just doesn't need to know. Just in case anyone wondered.